Inspire Your Season of Cheer With Holiday Quotes From Witty Women

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‘Tis the season to be … jolly. But those dealing with cliché ugly sweater parties, wrapping paper disasters, Christmas cookie fails, and more could use an extra boost of holiday cheer. We know it well, so we rounded up a few for you, too. 


1Phyllis Diller

"What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” 

2Fran Drescher

"One year we begged my mother for a Christmas tree. She called it a Hanukkah bush.” 

3Melanie White

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” 

4Fran Drescher

“Oh, that's the thing about Hanukkah: eight candles and a menorah. No fuss, no muss.”

5Samantha Bee

”Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.” 

6Holly Robinson Peete

“My kids learn more about their culture & heritage during these seven days than they do all year at school! I just really like celebrating Kwanzaa. Kids get connected, a nice ritual, principles solid. Honoring ancestors SO important, but every year for 10 yrs without fail [my] hubby asks ‘Now what is Kwanzaa again?’”

7Shirley Temple

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was 6. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”  

8Maya Angelou

“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”  

9Ellen DeGeneres

“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” 

10Fran Drescher

“Oy, after all that walking we did in the desert, we like to sit on the holiday.” 

11Giada De Laurentiis

The holidays stress people out so much. I suggest you keep it simple and try to have as much fun as you can.”

12Erma Bombeck

"No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday." 

13Joan Rivers

"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." 

14Melanie White

“A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.” 

15Grace Kriley

”One good thing about Christmas shopping is it toughens you for the January sales.” 

16Linda Sunshine

“More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you’ve been bad and good.” 

17Kate Summers

“You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, Ho, Ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” 

18Kylie Minogue

“I have had a holiday, and I’d like to take it up professionally.” 

Tags: Christmas, Family, Friends, holiday season, humor, womens quotes

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Written By

Katka Lapelosová

Katka is a writer from New York City, currently living in Belgrade, Serbia. See Full Bio

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