20 Dads Laugh Their Way Through Fatherhood

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With a laugh power second only to the hilarity of motherhood, dads sharing their comedic but insightful takes on fatherhood is a special kind of gift for us all. Join the team at CircleAround as we laugh alongside 20 funny fathers.   

1Ray Romano

“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”

2Conan O’Brien

“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24 to 36 hours.” 

3Jim Gaffigan

“Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.”

4Jerry Seinfeld

“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.”

5Neil Patrick Harris

“You have to be adaptable because they constantly keep changing. They’ll do something that blows your mind and then they’ll spit all their food out on the carpet.”

6Sam Levenson

“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”

7Mark Twain

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man learned in seven years.”

8Steve Martin

“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”

9Jon Stewart

“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”

10Michael Ian Black

“I really love my kids for about six minutes a day.”

11Bob Odenkirk

“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.”

12Jimmy Fallon

“Kids vomit a lot. For a second I thought I needed to rename my first Linda Blair and hire a priest, because she was spitting up so much.”

13Jerry Seinfeld

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”

14Martin Mull

“Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”

15Dax Shepard

“I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ I hadn't met my daughter yet.”

16Charles Wadsworth

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

17Stephen Colbert

“A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?”

18Rob Delaney

 Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper ‘You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.’”

19Ed Asner

“Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare.”

20Ryan Reynolds

“I used to say to [Blake], ‘I would take a bullet for you.’ And the second I looked into that baby’s eyes, I knew in that exact moment that if we were ever under attack, I would use my wife as a human shield to protect that baby.”

Tags: humor, parenting, father's day

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Written By

Stephanie Regalado, CircleAround Editor-in-Chief

With roots dug deep into the soil of her home base in the Pacific Northwest, Stephanie Regalado has worked as an award-win... See Full Bio

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