My Mom Was the Best Mom Friend I Didn’t Know I Needed

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When I became pregnant, I figured I’d make new mom friends as fast as my preggo bladder could locate grocery store bathrooms. I was ready to be part of a supportive super-troupe of mothers offering backup and allaying my first-time parenting fears. We’d be there for each other’s ups and downs — speaking our truth and finding the funny in it all. The only problem was I hadn’t met these awesome mamas yet; maybe my mom knew where to look? 

My Mother and I Have Always Been Close

Growing up, she was there to offer helpful advice or a shoulder to cry on when I needed it. Her mom-wisdom has been consistently better than any fortune cookie or internet search, so she would clearly know how to assemble a great group of mom friends. 

When I told my mom I hoped to have some new friends to go with my new baby, she understood why. Her mom village had helped her feel supported when she didn’t know how to support herself — and that’s what I was looking for too. As a kid, I’d wondered what my mother could possibly be talking about for so long with her friends. As a mom, I was about to find out. 

She Assured Me I’d Find Mom-Friends… Eventually

My mother put on her calm and reassuring voice, letting me know that making friends will happen naturally. “You’ll connect with other women and want to stay friends,” she said. So, I tried not to worry. I didn’t want to force any friendships, but I also knew it was important to have a support system. 

When I met moms in the waiting room for doctor’s visits or standing in long lines for the bathroom, I tried to play it cool. The bonding should’ve been easy because we had so much in common — our babies. But friendships didn’t form as naturally as I’d hoped. With my due date quickly approaching, I called my mom to ask her opinion: “Mom, everyone has a group of mom friends. Should I give up?” 

“It just takes time, Honey,” my mom soothed. 

Instead of Relying on Mom-Friends, Though, I Turned To Her

I’d hoped to create my supergroup before I gave birth, but my time as a preggo ended. I became a mom, and my newbie mama status kept the text stream to my mother on overload. Scared to make a mistake with my son, I asked her question after question. “Mom, how do you clip a baby’s fingernails?” Or “Mom, can a baby dehydrate from drooling too much?” And “Mom, will I ever shower again?” She never missed a message or a chance to validate and encourage.

Days with my infant felt long and the nights even longer when my son developed colic. Without a group of understanding mom friends to share my pent-up worries and tiny triumphs, I was lonely. I called my mom even more — and she was there. I began to realize that maybe I didn’t need a whole group of moms after all. Maybe I just needed one. 

The Bottom Line 

My mom was the best mom-friend I didn’t know I needed. Her support made all the difference, and now that we’re both mothers, we have a deeper appreciation for each other. And, of course, my mom was right — I did begin to make mom friends naturally. But the closeness my mom and I share is hard to match.

Tags: Inspiration, Mother's Day, Motherhood

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Written By

Tonilyn Hornung

Tonilyn is an author and freelance writer who lives with her husband, young son, many furry friends, and never enough closet space. See Full Bio

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