5 Ways to Make Up After a Fight
Photo Credit: Justin Follis/Unsplash
It's the little stone in your shoe that can cause you the most pain while walking a mile. Isn’t this the truth in our relationships during a pandemic and social unrest?
The socks left on the floor.
The endless scrolling without talking to you.
The interruptions when you are trying to get work done.
It is expected that we'd have more disagreements with our partners when our nervous systems are overwhelmed, which is exactly what is happening during this crisis. Knowing that we are all struggling, it is even more important to nurture our relationships. Here are five tips to help you make up after a fight.
Identify what is happening between the two of you. Bring acknowledgment to the discussion when you get stuck with your partner, and label the disagreement. Sweeping difficulties under the rug doesn’t make them go away; it's a recipe for resentment to build.
Example: "We both got stuck there. I started to blame you and it seemed like you got defensive. Is that right?"
State Your Needs
What would help you in this moment with your partner? It might be something like physical touch or taking time for self-soothing. You are allowed to ask for your needs to be met.
Example: "This means a lot to me, and I need you to understand my feelings."
It is important for us to see how we impact the people we love. An apology doesn’t necessarily mean that you are wrong. It means that you acknowledge the effect you had on your partner.
Example: "I’m sorry I hurt you. I used some sharp words."
Appreciation is a foundational part of a relationship. It helps to strengthen our bond and shows that we are committed to the relationship. Let your partner know that you appreciate them for who they are.
Example: "I love when you are kind toward me."
Try to move toward a common goal. Sometimes this means accepting something that your partner needs and letting go of what you need in that moment. Other times it's finding a compromise together that works for both of you.
Example: "I see that you really need to go out with your friends tonight. Let’s plan a date night for next week instead."
As a couple, your goal is to co-create your worlds together so that you can nurture a healthy and satisfying relationship.