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The Best Steps For Learning How To Self-Love

Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle/Unsplash

Tell me something: How often do you tell yourself, "I love you"? Do you smile at yourself when you look in the mirror? Do you look after your health and well-being?

You tell your partner, parents, and children you love them. You think about your friends often and smile. You feel great about your job and thank your stars. But how often do you show concern and respect for yourself?

Have you ever thought about spending time with yourself, introspecting, catching a break from the world? Self-love is something people talk about often, but what does it mean?

Essentially, it's about allowing yourself to grow into the person you most want to be through deliberate efforts to improve, while maintaining compassion toward yourself.

We all want to love ourselves, but true self-love involves much more than just giving yourself a spa session (although you absolutely should do that, too) or doing the things you love (reading, watching a film, or gorging on a delicious meal).

It involves accepting yourself just as you are, right now, including the flaws and the scars you need to heal from, and giving yourself the room to evolve every day. It isn't an easy process, but it's a wonderful one that you are worth. Here are some ways to start showing yourself some self-love:

Surround Yourself With Positive People

A few years ago, I made the tough decision of cutting off a few extremely toxic people from my life who constantly belittled me and made me feel inadequate. I blocked them on social media, deleted their phone numbers, and shut them out of my life.

In the beginning, it was hard not to have them around. I would often wonder what they thought of me or how much they hated me. But I soon realized how light and positive I felt by not having them around.

The energy that the people around you give off will reflect how you think about yourself. Therefore, it’s so important to keep company with people who make you feel good and avoid negative influences as much as you can.

Don't Seek Validation From Others

There's not a single human being on the planet who doesn't seek validation from others. We all want to be loved and appreciated.

However, you don't need to wait for others to see in you what you deserve to see yourself. Practice daily affirmations where you acknowledge your strengths and your own goals.

Tell yourself that you deserve love and respect, no matter what, and that you deserve it from yourself most of all. The more confident you are in yourself, the more success you will attract.

Do What You Love

This is something we all talk about, but how often do we end up staying in deadbeat jobs that drain us of the will to grow and enjoy life? Work toward transitioning into something that fulfills you and lets you build something out of your passion.

Take small steps every day — it all adds up. Whether it's switching careers, taking up a new hobby, or leaving behind toxic friends, do what's best for you.

Introspect and Keep Room for Growth

Set aside time every day to think about how your day went, what the high and low points were, what progress you've made on your goals, and so on. I focus on this a lot.

Practicing gratitude for the good things and introspecting over the lessons learned from the things that didn't go well has helped me take better control over my future. In many respects, introspection has made me a calmer, stronger person.

Do What Makes You Laugh

They say laughter is the best medicine, and there's a lot of truth to that. Life is too short to be serious all the time, so look for ways you can smile and laugh every day. This will help you take yourself more positively as well.

I make it a point to spend quality time with my spouse and family. We talk about a lot of things, crack jokes and decompress. I also love watching sitcoms and watch one to two episodes every day, as they clear my head and help me relax.

Do a Social Media Detox

Social media can be more exhausting than we realize, especially when comparing our lives with the lives that influencers or friends portray online. Give yourself at least a day where you don't log into any of your social media accounts. Use the extra time to read a good book, meditate, cook, or go for a run.

Embrace Failure

We all fail, in big or small ways, every day. Resist the urge to beat yourself up for it and adopt a mindset in which you embrace failure. Tell yourself that every failure is a step closer to achieving your success in the end. After all, failure means that you are trying and learning.

Compliment Others

If you see someone wearing a lovely dress or a colleague at work says something intelligent, tell them so. When they smile, you'll smile, too. A compliment is the easiest way to spread positive energy and feel that energy yourself — plus, it's a great way to strike up a conversation and make new friends.

Eat Healthy and Nourish Yourself

We only get one body in this lifetime, and it's up to us to take care of it. The minute you cut down on carbs, junk food, and aerated drinks, you'll feel much lighter.

Feed yourself a diet with lots of fresh fruit, vegetables, lean meats, whole grains, and dairy, and be sure to drink plenty of water. And, of course, make room for the occasional sweet treat or takeout dinner.

Have a Memorable Day Out by Yourself

Gift yourself the most valuable present of all — time. Take a day off away from all your obligations and devote it to doing the things you love.

Go to your favorite restaurant, attend a craft class, go bowling, visit the zoo or aquarium, have a picnic in the park — whatever you enjoy doing alone. I often like going shopping or watching a film in a theater on my own.

I'm with my thoughts, treating myself the whole day. It feels good. I love spending time with my spouse, but this “me time” is also important. I’m fully present in every moment and aware of my physical and emotional responses to things. I get fully charged.

Self-love is about growing and building yourself up to be the person you've always wanted to become. Don't worry if you can't do all of these at once or if you find yourself lapsing back into your self-loathing ways.

Loving yourself every day requires a lot of patience and practice, and it won't happen overnight. What's important is that you keep trying and celebrating the small wins along the way. Remember: You deserve all the love in the world, even your own.


CircleAround is operated by a wholly owned subsidiary of Girl Scouts of the USA. The site serves women nationwide by providing content that is uplifting, thought-provoking, and useful. We make revenue distributions back to GSUSA so they can further their mission of building girls of courage, confidence, and character who make the world a better place.

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