Why Getting 'Ghosted' Is Great — and How to Handle It

"Ghosting."

Defined as when the relatively new object of your affection cuts off all communication and completely disappears without warning.

And boy, does it stink! Especially when you think you two have the most amazing connection, had the dreamiest of dates and endless hours of conversations where you literally finished each other’s sentences. And then boom, no contact.

First, you worry, wondering if they are okay. Maybe they had a death in the family or got into a car accident or some other horrible event.

Then you start playing detective, trying to figure out what’s going on. Stalking their Instagram or Facebook only to find that you’ve been blocked.

Finally, you realize they’re gone, and then you start making their ghosting be about you.

All of a sudden, your fears and insecurities emotionally flood you, leaving you feeling heartbroken and confused. I’ve been there. Four times.

Here are three reasons why ghosting is actually great and how to handle it when it does happen to you.

1. It Brings You Closer to Finding Your Ideal Partner

Getting ghosted doesn’t feel good because you’re thinking this is a problem. Ask yourself, “How is it true that this is actually a great thing?” When you’re feeling clear and grounded, you’ll come up with answers like, “I’m glad to learn sooner rather than later that this isn’t my person, which means he/she is still out there,” “I’m that much closer to finding my ideal partner,” “We actually weren’t that compatible,” etc. I went through a divorce, dated a bunch of duds, and got ghosted four times before I met my second husband, who is absolutely the dreamiest man I’ve ever met and is the love of my life. How many times are you willing to get ghosted to have the Noah and Allie kind of love from The Notebook?

2. Don’t Take It Personally

This one is tough, but take a second or a few days or however long it takes. It’s really important to process your emotions. Let the frustration, sadness, and all the feelings come up and flow through you. As you’re going through this process, intentionally remind yourself that this isn’t actually about you at all. Him ghosting you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It’s not your responsibility to take on someone else’s shortcomings. And furthermore, defining your self-worth based off another person’s decision to be with you or not is a really great opportunity to work on yourself. Which brings us to the last step…

3. Opportunity for Personal Growth

A question I ask my clients who have been ghosted is, “Where are you ghosting yourself in your life? Where are you not showing up for yourself?” Oftentimes we look for others to fill a void or complete us, but the truth is, there’s personal growth that needs to happen so that you attract the right kind of partner. We attract the love we think we deserve. If you objectively look at the kind of partners you are attracting, you’ll quickly learn that they are at the same vibrational energy as you. Getting ghosted is a great opportunity to do the inner work that you’ve been avoiding. And who wouldn’t want an up-leveled version of you?


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