8 Ways to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship
Insecurities can crop up in any relationship, even the most loving of marriages. They often stem from a place of questioning your self-worth within the connection, along with a growing sense of anxiety that something terrible may occur.
They can manifest from a number of starting points. Maybe there was a misunderstanding with your partner's family, and your partner sides with their family.
Or you begin to observe your partner spending more time with their colleagues at their new workplace. Finances can also contribute to disagreements, and even jealousy. Basically, anything that contributes to you feeling uncomfortable in your relationship can trigger your insecurities.
This could result in sleepless nights and unnecessary fights with your partner. As stressful and emotionally distressing as that is, you can overcome such feelings and preserve your relationship as long as you go about it in a tender, loving, patient way.
Here are seven tips to help you grow your confidence inside your relationship:
1Raise Your Partner's Self-Worth in Your Eyes
Count the good traits — such as kindness, generosity or sense of humor — they bring to the relationship. Keep your focus on the many things they offer to your relationship rather than where they may need improvement (in your eyes).
It is important to take stock of their value and consider the adjustments they’ve made for you, the enjoyable times you share with them, and how they show up for you in times of distress. It can be tempting to think negatively of your partner during times of frustration. If you are all in and want your relationship to succeed, invest the energy to change the negative narrative you may have playing in your head.
2Stop Blaming Yourself or Others For Your Insecurities
Reproaching yourself for feeling the way you feel only contributes to a sense of dread. Be kind toward yourself, remembering that it’s normal to feel insecure at times, just like it's normal to have a headache or catch a cold. Remind yourself that you can find a solution to address each of your insecurities.
This doesn’t mean there's someone at fault. If you had a disagreement with your partner's friend or sibling that caused an even bigger fight, remember that glitches happen between people and it doesn't mean there’s a villain to be found or blamed. The more you can work to allow tensions and misunderstandings to roll off your back, the happier and more peaceful you’ll be.
3Approach Your Insecurities With Curiosity
Take time to deep-dive into the source of your current insecurities. Why do you feel as though you lack attention and affirmation in this relationship? Could it point toward a prior experience in your life? Such as a difficult childhood where you were left feeling hollow because your parents didn't offer you the affection you craved?
Or, if you are suspicious of your partner's interaction with coworkers, could it be related to a betrayal from your past?
This level of introspection can be incredibly eye-opening and may point to specific ways you can address sources from deep within. Sorting out residual raw spots from past experiences can give you a clearer view in order to process your current scenario for what it is — and is not.
4Talk It Out With Your Partner
If you desire some positive reaffirmation from your partner, let them know. This is especially important if something specific has triggered your insecurities, like a new coworker your partner is friendly with. Was there something your partner said to the coworker that you read as flirty? Or, if it's a hobby making you question how your partner wants to spend their time, is it because the time they invest in the hobby is cutting into a couples' ritual you used to do? Or leaving little time for quality couple time?
By sharing with your partner you are giving them a chance to be part of the solution instead of feeling as though they are in the hot seat. Bottling up emotions doesn't bode well in the long run.
5Never Be Comparative
You are a unique person, just like everyone else on the planet. Comparing yourself with “nemesis” like your partner's family member or coworker is pointless because they will always have something you don't, just as you have things they don't.
Remind yourself that your partner is with you, not anyone else. They see something in you that they don't see in anyone else. They have connected with you in a way they haven’t connected with anyone else and never will be able to. It’s important to trust this about your relationship, to avoid torturing yourself with toxic emotions, and to truly believe you’ll be okay no matter what.
6Shift Your Mindset; Create New Memories
Focus on doing special things with your partner that you’ll both remember forever. Take holidays, cook special meals, go on that skydiving trip. Take lots of pictures and put them up around the house as daily reminders of the adventurous times you two have enjoyed together.
The more good memories you have to draw upon, the less reason you have to feel worried or anxious about your relationship. And if they are hanging out with your so-called “nemesis” after spending time with you, don't panic. Reframe any joy stealing thoughts to thoughts of gratitude toward the universe for the beautiful memories you two get to create together.
7Don't Overthink About the Future
I'm an over-thinker and become anxious rather quickly. It's understandable to have questions about the future in a relationship, such as what happens if one of you needs to move abroad or what the dynamics will be with your partner's family after you get married or decide to start a family.
The stronger your present relationship is, the better you'll be able to weather those bridges when it’s time to cross them. Continue to work within the present and build strength, connection, and respect within the connection you have now.
Remind yourself that you are special and that you deserve to feel loved and valued, no matter what. If your partner is truly the one for you, they will see you and love you for who you are. Remember, the universe always has your back. Manifest an ideal future in your mind by taking the steps toward growth now.