How to Stop Fighting with Your Partner and Own Your Happiness
Falling in love is one of the greatest joys of the human experience. Songs, movies, operas, and plays have all been written about romantic love. But staying in love is where many of us stumble and fall.
We start to fight with our partners because we want them to behave in a certain way or change who they are because we believe when they do X it means Y (for example, they love us, care about us, appreciate us, etc.). When they don't operate according to our relationship manual, we may try to have a well-intentioned conversation that ultimately ends in a fight and causes disconnection in the relationship.
The solution is to stop trying to control our partners and expecting them to meet every single one of our needs. When we do that, we get to show up in a really powerful way and own our own happiness.
One tool I offer my clients is a Desire & Connect List (DCL). The DCL will help you reduce conflict and increase happiness.
1Make a Like List
Create a list of all the things you enjoy and would like to do. For example, dancing, hiking, or any other activity.
2Find Your Activity Partners
Identify who in your current network (partner, family, friend, colleague, etc.) you can connect with to share your desires. For example, I love to dance but my husband has two left feet. So on my list, I match dancing with my best friend. Hubby is off the hook, I get a girls' night out, and we avoid a fight.
3Expand Your Network
If you have a desire but nobody to connect with, take the opportunity to expand your network and find a new person who shares your interests. Life is all about connections and experiences, so it's a win-win for you.