Conversation Starters for Couples and Why They're Important

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Starting a conversation is an art form. Some people are good at it and others, not so much. But, wherever you fall on the spectrum, it’s an important muscle to keep active for myriad reasons — particularly in relationships.

There’s nothing quite like having deep, thoughtful conversations with a significant other — especially when you’re just getting to know one another and everything feels exciting. Talking for hours in the beginning can often feel like exploration, making it thrilling not to know what you’ll find around the corner. But when those heightened emotions fade over time and someone else’s stories become rote, it can be easy for couples in long-term relationships to lose their way communicatively

As Rachel Moheban Wachtel, LCSW, who specializes in couples and marriage counseling, noted to Women’s Health, people in long-term relationships are often talking about the same things day in and day out, so it’s imperative to ask new questions and have new topics to discuss to break this cycle. By bringing conversation starters into the fold, there’s now space for vulnerability, she says.

 “Vulnerability creates more empathy for your partner, and that then creates the intimacy and the sense of connection,” says Wachtel. This ultimately makes it easier for you and your partner to grapple with hardship and can even reinvigorate your bond.

Not sure where to start with your conversation starters? Some powerful ones we like include some of the questions you were more likely to ask on your early dates with one another. Things have likely changed since then, so feel free to ask what their hopes are for the next five years or what their biggest fear is at the moment. You can be as surface-level (“What is the best trip you’ve ever taken?”) or deep (“What has been your most embarrassing moment?”) as you feel comfortable.

“Asking these tough questions, rather than assuming you know the answers, can get the conversation flowing all over again,” according to

If you’re still feeling unsure of how to do this on your own, we recommend picking up a game like We’re Not Really Strangers. You can select a card at random and it’ll prompt questions for you and your partner. Perhaps take a trip to the grocery store together to pick out snacks and drinks to have with the game to really spice it up.

Tags: Communication, Mental Health, Family, Friends

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Written By

Rose Low

Rose Low is a writer based in New York, with a background in social media strategy and reporting. She has a Masters from NYU and a love for romantic comedies. See Full Bio

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