3 Pieces of Advice for Young Divorcees
At the age of 32, I was packing up my belongings in the apartment I shared with my now ex-husband. After being together for just over 10 years, we were beginning the process of our divorce. By 33, the relationship had officially ended, and I had moved to a new country to start my new life. At the same time, many of my friends were expanding their families, getting married, or both. It was easy to feel like a failure, but I reminded myself of the very good reasons my ex and I decided to end it. We knew we’d have the rest of our lives to seek fulfilling relationships. Still, at times, I wondered if I could have done things differently. One of the things that comforted me most through that time was knowing I wasn’t alone. There were many other young, female divorcees who had gone through what I had and come out the other side perfectly fine.
If you’re going through a divorce now, or are recently divorced, it can be helpful to know you’re not alone. To help you on your journey, here are some stories and pieces of advice from other young divorcees.
Tara Eisenhard was 25 when she got married, and divorced two years later at the age of 27. Today, she’s a divorce coach and mediator, helping others navigate their own relationship challenges, and the life changes that come with them.
“My advice is to elevate your own expertise,” she tells CircleAround. “Other people don’t know what it’s like to live inside your marriage.”
It’s true — especially with the rise of social media, it’s easy to share the happiest moments, and people can easily misconstrue what they think your life is like, versus what is actually affecting you. But in reality, it’s also nobody’s business.
“Only you know if the relationship is healthy, if your long-term goals are compatible, and if you’re able to grow with your partner,” Eisenhard adds. “If the marriage isn’t appropriate, you don’t have to stay to make other people more comfortable.”
2It’s Okay Not to Be Ok
You might feel you have to put on a brave face when going through a divorce. But Melanie Rud, who was married at 26 and divorced by 32, knows that trying to keep it all inside can be damaging in the long-run.
“Stop telling everyone you’re fine,” she writes in an essay for Glam. “I mean, if you’re actually fine, go right ahead…it’s tough to be vulnerable and let people see that your life has gone down the toilet…. reach out for help when you need it. Cry in front of your friends.”
She also highly suggests working with a therapist who can help you learn coping methods and build up your confidence again, or simply have someone with a professional background in listening to get you through the tough times.
3Reach Out to Others Who Can Relate
It’s easy to feel incredibly alone in the aftermath of a divorce, no matter your age. One way to find comfort and hope is to discuss your feelings with other women who have gone through it, with more time and emotional distance.
“I follow the over 30 sub[reddits] r/askwomenover30, r/askmenover30,” states reddit user abloodyminge in a thread about women who divorced relatively young. “I was curious about dating, so I posted in this sub[reddit]... and received a lot of good advice.”
The Bottom Line
It’s easy to feel like your life has fallen apart while going through a divorce at any age. But the truth is, you have so much ahead of you. Connecting with other women who have been through a divorce can be comforting and helpful. Fortunately, there are many communities and forums you can take part in so you don’t have to feel you’re going through it alone.